I am walking down 5th Avenue in Manhattan with my girlfriend. We step into Saks Fifth Avenue because Estee Lauder was giving away free mini bottles of Advanced Night Repair Serum. I figured I might as well grab a free bottle myself. I am 24 afterall. I need all the repair I can get. I digress.
After picking up my little miracle bottle, my girlfriend and I walk toward the 5th Ave exit when an Arab-looking guy says “Salamu alaykum”. He was working in Dolce and Gabbana’s makeup section. I return the greeting with “walaykum alsalam”. Then, thinking that I am an Arab woman, begins to tell me about the fabulous eyeliners that they have.
Apparently all Arab women love eyeliners?
Guy: I know you women (meaning Arab women) love your eyeliners. (He thinks he is clever).
Me: Sure, I like eyeliner.
Guy: You see, this one has got gold glitter! You put the black eyeliner on top, the dark brown eyeliner on the bottom and your eyes will stand out like stars. Needless to say, his handsomeness faded with every word he said. It was like “get real dude!” So, another brown dude who also works at Saks approaches my friend and I.
Brown dude: are you like from the Middle East?
Me: “You’d think that wouldn’t ya!” I decided turn on my sarcastic switch.
Brown dude: Yea, aren’t you?
Me: “No sir! I am a Cuban American,” I said with my head up high. Not really, but I tried.
Guy: I knew you were Spanish.
Brown guy: No, you must be Arab.
Me: No! I am not Spanish nor Arab!
Brown guy: What’s your background?
Me: “Uh…Cuban. Spanish.” Apparently “American” isn’t enough of an answer anymore.
Brown guy: No Arab in your blood?
Me: No!! I mean, there are rumors that I have a Moroccan gypsy great grandmother who ran away with my sexy Spanish great grandfather, but…
Brown guy: Aha! I knew it! So, are you a Mooz-lim?
Me: Yes. (I thought to myself, “what the hell does it look like?!”). I decided I would turn the tables around and give them a taste of their own medicine.
Me: So, where are you guys from?
Guy: Puerto Rican.
Me: So you aren’t Arab either?
Guy: No. I know, I look it, but I’m not. I’m a Puerto Rican and a born-again Christian!
Ameeen! I thought to myself!
Me: Well, cool eyeliners but we (my friend and I) have got to go.
Guy: Hey, he wants you to call him!
Guy: You know who! Call him! He’s waiting for your call.
Me: I actually have no idea what you’re talking about…
Guy: Jesus! Jesus is calling you.
Oh, brother. Here we go again. If it isn’t a self righteous brother who wants to save you, it’s the born-again Christian.
Me: You know what? I do love Jesus! How do you like them apples?
Guy: You should, he died for us!
Instead of responding to him, I decided I would smile and walk away. No need to press this undercover preacher’s buttons. Besides, I think he forgot he was working and could be fired for the comments he just made.