So, I had this dream last night.
I don’t remember “where” I was, but I was at some sort of house party. I knew some people who were there, though I cannot remember who they are now. All I remember is that an old friend was there. And somehow, we got separated at the party. I kept messaging him and he didn’t respond.
Strangely enough, the Islamic “call to prayer” (adhan) goes off at the party. (by the way, I think that was my cell phone adhan alarm making its way into my dream)…
I start praying in the middle of the party when I look down and notice that I am wearing a T-shirt and jeans. No proper covering for prayer. I kept praying because I had already started, but when I went down to prostrate, I couldn’t keep my balance and I fell on my face. My hands broke my fall, so I didn’t hurt my head/face.
But I kept praying….
When I tried getting up again, I couldn’t keep my balance. When I looked down at my feet, I realized that I had on a pair of roller skates. I somehow managed to stand up again and begin a second rakat (set).
Out of nowhere, my friend appears and is watching me fall while praying. And he watches me finished 4 rakats falling all over the place.
All I remember is feeling really embarrassed the entire time. And I can’t believe I never actually thought of taking off my skates to finish praying at least partially dignified!
I always like to think that my dreams are my subconscious speaking to me, and I have a strong feeling that this dream has to do with my faith right now.
I have been having trouble praying lately. I am keeping salaat, but I feel that they are empty. I feel that I am going through the motions, but without my heart. It is only when I pray in my own way that I can put my heart into it.
Last night, I shuffled through my evening prayer, and asked God “why am I here?” I guess since I’ve been feeling lonely lately, I am having a hard time finding meaning in life. Don’t get me wrong, I am not depressed/suicidal or anything.
It’s been hard trying to find meaning.